you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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