Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
