there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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