yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
