I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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