what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
