hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
