so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
