i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize