Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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