Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
