The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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