so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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