Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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