My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
