Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
