we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
