if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk is a universal language darling
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize