I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
