Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
