Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
