they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
