I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
