if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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