i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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