What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i drank out of a bidet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
