I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
