First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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