You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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