Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize