the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
