Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
