I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
