Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
