I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
