that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
