Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize