I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
