My brain says no but my pants say off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
