she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
