Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
