i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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