you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
