ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need water and some morals
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
