I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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