I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
