Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize