Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
