i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
