This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
