FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
