Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
