would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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