Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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