did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
