PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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