That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
