Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
