you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
