"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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