Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
