Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
