I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
