please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
