I just saw a hot homeless man
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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