i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
