just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
